'The Phantom Plates'

 

 

During my stint of National Service I was promoted to Lance Corporal. This meant that you didn't do so many guard duties, but when you did had to stay awake all night and call out the guard when the acting officer turned up to inspect. Also in the morning, run round and wake up any soldier on early call. They had to sign a duty list as proof. 

A big stick was carried to hammer on the end of each bed, shaking the individuals up out of their slumber. But when it came to a big Scouse who was known to have the occasional bare knuckle fight, one would approach quietly and gently shaking his shoulder, apologize for waking him and could he be kind enough to sign the list. 

One month when in charge of the 'cookhouse cleaning brigade' which consisted of couldn't care less hard men who you had to motivate to clean the floors and wash the dirty plates and get as much done before the NAFFI opened, because they disappeared then.

It was quite a game sometimes as some of the biggest Cockroaches I've ever seen, about the size of a mouse would appear when the wooden sides along the room were banged. Then bucketfuls of disinfectant would be sloshed all over to try and kill them but it never did, they must have been the cleanest cockroaches around for miles.

At the end of the Mess was the plate cleaning machine, where they were stacked onto a wooden container pushed into the machine and washed then taken off and stacked in rows on a table about 25 to 30 high.

This particular morning the work had been done and the plates stacked and I was standing some 12 yards away checking the scene when the Quarter Master  came in and stood with his back to the plates. Then he went on about how too many plates were being broken etc, etc, and as I stood there listening, to my horror a pile of plates started to lean over towards the floor, lean lean lean, then smash smash smash smash behind him. He turned to see the broken pieces, glared at me went a bright red and stormed out.

I was later told to report to the Officer of the day as The Quarter Master had complained about the incident. When I told  the officer the story, he dismissed me without any punishment. I bet there was a few laughs over some drinks that evening when the story was passed around.

 

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